Change

Life changes. Everything in life changes. There is no way to stop it or even to slow it down. The only thing that we can possibly do is to follow it as it tumbles through what shaky constancies we have just built. We rebuild and then we wait for it to come plunging through again. Do we ever really know who we are? I’m not sure that we do… or that we can… fully understand each point of our own soul. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he put us together. We are mysteries even to ourselves. Each time change destroys our sturdy base, it gives us the opportunity to discover a little more about ourselves. If we are one thing, we are insecure. Because change is the only consistency in life, we cannot remove the insecurity, but we can learn to cover it up, to pretend as though we could care less one way or another what people think of us.

Laughable.

I am perhaps more guilty of this than anyone. It becomes a talent- chortling and tossing your hair, rolling your eyes, batting your lashes, swatting at the air, saying without words that nothing matters. Who cares that he doesn’t like you back? Who cares that you’re not the best dancer on the team? Who cares if you get worse grades than your roommate? Who cares if you spend every weekend at home alone?

You do and you know it.

Now, with plenty of practice, you may almost convince yourself that all of the above-mentioned questions don’t apply to you, that you have become infallible. No one is invulnerable. You putting up a shield to protect your heart and your soul just shows the world how much you care and how insecure you truly are.

My ramble of words has brought me to a point where I can no longer recall what they all mean, or what their purpose was, but it’s a pleasure to have them down on paper where, if anyone so chooses, they may be seen and utilized into individual’s lives. Perhaps they mean something to you. Perhaps you disregard them as a load of rubbish. I will not deny that there is a possibility that you are correct in that assumption. But for the sake of my insecurities, keep that opinion to yourself.