Ah hey. It's been another... almost year! I don't really have any excuses for not writing. I guess my life kind of went in another direction and blogging about it didn't seem like a thing that I should be doing? I can't really say for sure. Because, as far as my boring life goes, quite a lot of stuff happened.
So... recap:
Summer 2013: I went to South Korea for a couple months. It was an exciting time. There were good and bad times. I learned a lot. I did not come back fluent, but I was competent enough to travel across the country on my own with a friend who spoke the same amount that I did. (Which, in retrospect, was definitely not enough...) Back in Utah, I spent the rest of the summer playing with my sisters and devising my schedule for the coming school year. Which is when I found out how very close to graduation I was. Which freaked me out a little bit. But it was long past due so I figured I would give it my all. However, the closer to the start of semester I got, the more I realized that I wasn't really prepared to graduate. I didn't feel as though I had fulfilled all that I wanted to. I didn't feel accomplished, or prepared to enter the workforce. Man, I didn't even like my major! I had no plan, no notion of what I was going to do after graduation. I didn't even have a hint of an idea as to what kind of job I wanted to get. Buuut... BYU pushed me to graduate. In fact, they wanted me to forget my minor and my language classes; they wanted me to finish in a semester and graduate in December. I pushed real hard for that extra semester...
Fall 2013/Winter 2014: School. My last year. I spent the fall teaching dance in Pleasant Grove and taking something like 16 credits. I was stressed about money- as much as I loved teaching, it was a long drive and not enough hours to really get me through my bills. So I was also looking for a job. Thank goodness for connections! In December, roommate introduced me to Jeff Strong, a fantastic BYU police officer who gave me a job at the Museum of Art on campus. And I took the early shift. Kill me, I was up at 4:30 every morning, but I enjoyed the work and I needed it. My second semester was a race against time. I cared more about my language class than I did about any of my major classes. I was graduating in just a few months and the only thing topping my enormous pile of regrets was the fact that I was terrified of what I was going to do after BYU. I hated myself for the decisions that had led me to where I was academically. But I was graduating and there wasn't much I could do about except try to pass my classes. (Which I did, in case you were wondering.) Some time in March, I got a call from my sister Katie, who lives in Virginia with her husband and daughter. She told me that her nanny couldn't work for them anymore and was wondering if I would like to come to Virginia for the summer to watch my niece. I prayed. I pondered. I was ready to get out of Utah and here was my opportunity. So I jumped.
Summer 2014: Never did I ever think that I would be living in Virginia. But Grace is the sweetest, cutest, most wonderful little one-year old in the world and I am SO LUCKY that I get to spend so much time with her. It was a very different kind of summer, but I enjoyed it. I liked the new atmosphere, meeting new people, attending a tiny branch of singles that was the polar opposite of any BYU ward I'd attended. I miss Utah. I miss my family and friends. I miss the familiarity. I miss the mountains and the church. But I've learned a lot. Not just about the world, but about myself. Things I probably wouldn't have learned if I'd stayed in Utah. I started searching for life options. Go back to school? For what? What did I really want to do? Go back to Utah? Get a job? Move to Korea and teach English? Nothing was really very clear. And it was stressful. Lots of praying and hoping. And faith. Lots and lots of faith. Because I know, regardless of what does or does not happen, that Heavenly Father will guide me.
Fall 2014: Trying to get a better idea of what I wanted to do... found out my sister was having another baby and it was like an answer to a prayer. I needed to stay in Virginia. It wasn't my plan, but I knew it was right. I got a calling in the branch's relief society presidency and another job at Habitat for Humanity in the family services department. Also a lot of new experiences. I never thought I'd be the "crazy Mormon" but at Habitat, I am!
Now: It's 2015 and I'm still no closer to making a discovery about a life path. It's one of my New Year's resolutions though! ;) A chance to go to Korea to teach English with a friend came up. Initially, I was feeling okay about it. I love Korea, in spite of some of the anxiety that comes up whenever I think about it, and I would be with a friend. So I sent in my resume. Which is a pretty big step for me, considering less than a year ago, I was 100% sure that I didn't ever want to teach English. I wasn't feeling great about it still, but I felt that it was probably time to take a leap and Korea would definitely be a leap. Well, it turns out that they wanted us in March. And the more I thought about it, the worse it felt. I am committed to Grace and little sister, to my friends, to my branch, to Norfolk, to this current situation, until they move this summer. And March is only two months away. But I prayed about it. I talked to my sister about it. And even after she gave her blessing and said it would be fine, they would figure it out, I did not feel good about it. Even more so, I didn't want to go. And then I made a sort of realization. I think I've been trying to make other peoples' dreams my own. Someone is really excited about teaching in Korea so it excites me too. Someone else is going to grad school and is feeling very fulfilled, if a little stressed, so I should go to grad school too. Life is comfortable and familiar in Utah so I should definitely go back to living there too. These are all good things, but they aren't necessarily mine. I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize that.
Maybe it's because I've been so desperate for a dream for so long. No one has forced anything on me, I simply want to have purpose. And that brought me to another lightbulb. While watching my niece may not be academically fulfilling, it is wonderful, more wonderful than I deserve. She is a little light in my life and I love her so much. She teaches me more than I teach her, I think. I'm so blessed.
So will I nanny for the rest of my life? Maybe not. But I am pretty happy and I can find ways to be fulfilled aside from saving the world or curing the common cold. I have options and I have my whole life ahead of me. That may be terrifying and overwhelming, but I will take it one day at a time and I am never alone. There is always Someone on my side. And that is a huge comfort and far more than I deserve.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2015
Playing Catchup
Labels:
BYU,
graduating,
happiness,
Heavenly Father,
Korea,
language,
life,
life decisions,
nannying,
travel,
Utah,
Virginia
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The Korea Diaries: Prepping for Korea Part 1
These days, whenever people ask how I'm doing or what I'm up to, I kind of forget that I'm in school and working... my mind immediately flies to the trip that I'm about to take in approximately 50 days!!!! Most minutes, I'm thinking, "life can't get more exciting than this". Not too long after that, reality kicks in and I recognize that I have to deal with things here before I can go anywhere... Yeah.
Prep classes have started. It took a while to solidify everything-- to be honest, things still don't seem terribly solid, but we're for sure going (my bank account can attest to that) and that is really all that matters to me at this point in time. There are approximately 14 of us going, including Dr. Peterson, the head of this brigade. Apparently he is a master of all things Korea (excepting pop culture, of which he knows... very little). My Korean friends tell me that his Korean is flawless, so that makes me excited to spend some time learning from him, hoping I will pick up some of that awesomeness.
Our schedule is pretty tentative. 5 days in Seoul, then to Andong where we will be staying in a Hanok (translation: traditional housing-- most likely rebuilt or renovated, so we will get the whole sleeping on the floors with the sliding doors and everything!), fourish weeks in Inchae (a town way south, not too far from Busan), and then back to Seoul for the last few days. Somewhere in all of that we will also be going to Thebeck and Gangnam to name a few. (If you start singing Gangnam Style now, I will disown you as a friend-- okay, not really, but seriously don't)
We were given the option of what we wanted to focus on for our studies while we are there. Some of the RMs who have good language skills, will focus more on cultural aspect, or some other kind of research. One kid jokingly suggested doing a research paper on 노래방s ('noraebangs' are karaoke rooms)... that probably won't happen. I am determined to spend the majority of my time on language. That's my biggest reason for going so that is what I will be doing.
Our days are supposed to go somewhat like this:
9 am: "Open the Day" (Dr. Peterson's words-- assuming, breakfast, song, prayer, etc)
9-11: culture class
11: language
12: lunch
1: language again
Sounds exciting, right? Actually, this is like a dream come true. I get to spend every day for two whole months doing nothing but studying language and culture! I have thoughts about learning how to play the gayageum (a Korean stringed instrument) but we will see if that's a possibility. :)
Some warnings from our student facilitator and the missionaries who have already been:
-They have different electrical outlets so we should bring converters... or transformers... Whatever they are called. I plan on bringing Bumblebee. Wouldn't a yellow Camaro that can drive itself and protect me from all the crazies be a perfect thing to take on this trip? Okay. Bad joke.
-Bring your own deodorant, toothpaste and sunscreen. Koreans don't stink or sweat so deodorant isn't sold everywhere and they add sugar to their toothpaste which tastes like chalk... Yum. Sunscreen isn't a necessary item when you aren't white and just waiting to look like a lobster the moment your skin makes contact with the sun's rays. So unfair. I want to be reincarnated with dark skin. Lucky ducks.
-Bring a set of sheets and a pillow... Yeah, that's all there is to say about that.
-Ladies: Buy your pants before you go. Koreans have no shape. If you have big feet (9 and up) you will have a hard time finding shoes there. Lucky my feet are small. :)
Things on the generic packing list:
3-5 pants
6-8 shirts
1-2 casual skirts
1 nice dress
Pajamas
Toiletries
1-2 comfortable shoes
1 dress shoes
Laundry bag
Towel
Batteries
Alarm clock
Umbrella
Small flashlight
With all of that in mind, I have started making lists of things I think I will need. I began the hunt last week with a search for comfortable but cute walking shoes. I ended up with a pair of adorable brown Taos that cost more than I have ever paid for a pair of shoes, but they are really comfortable and should last for a long time. For all your sturdy, walking, nice shoe needs, please visit Modern Shoe on center street in Provo. That is totally the place to go. They are really nice and knowledgeable.
Knowing myself, I want to pack light on the way out so that I will have plenty of room for the way back. Seriously, my sisters are asking me to bring back ramen pans... I can buy shirts and things there. But I'm definitely buying my pants here. Stupid Korean girls that have no shape. Ugh.
The time can't go fast enough. But the more I learn in my language classes, the more I realize how much I don't know. And that makes me nervous. But I'm trying to stay positive and look at what I HAVE learned. And how much I will learn when I get there. So long as I am willing to open my mouth and try. Yeah, I'm totally prepared to sound like an idiot. All the time. It's inevitable.
If you have ever gone out of the country and have any packing/traveling/anything tips for me, please leave a comment and let me know. I'm happy for any and all feedback. :)
Prep classes have started. It took a while to solidify everything-- to be honest, things still don't seem terribly solid, but we're for sure going (my bank account can attest to that) and that is really all that matters to me at this point in time. There are approximately 14 of us going, including Dr. Peterson, the head of this brigade. Apparently he is a master of all things Korea (excepting pop culture, of which he knows... very little). My Korean friends tell me that his Korean is flawless, so that makes me excited to spend some time learning from him, hoping I will pick up some of that awesomeness.
Our schedule is pretty tentative. 5 days in Seoul, then to Andong where we will be staying in a Hanok (translation: traditional housing-- most likely rebuilt or renovated, so we will get the whole sleeping on the floors with the sliding doors and everything!), fourish weeks in Inchae (a town way south, not too far from Busan), and then back to Seoul for the last few days. Somewhere in all of that we will also be going to Thebeck and Gangnam to name a few. (If you start singing Gangnam Style now, I will disown you as a friend-- okay, not really, but seriously don't)
We were given the option of what we wanted to focus on for our studies while we are there. Some of the RMs who have good language skills, will focus more on cultural aspect, or some other kind of research. One kid jokingly suggested doing a research paper on 노래방s ('noraebangs' are karaoke rooms)... that probably won't happen. I am determined to spend the majority of my time on language. That's my biggest reason for going so that is what I will be doing.
Our days are supposed to go somewhat like this:
9 am: "Open the Day" (Dr. Peterson's words-- assuming, breakfast, song, prayer, etc)
9-11: culture class
11: language
12: lunch
1: language again
Sounds exciting, right? Actually, this is like a dream come true. I get to spend every day for two whole months doing nothing but studying language and culture! I have thoughts about learning how to play the gayageum (a Korean stringed instrument) but we will see if that's a possibility. :)
Some warnings from our student facilitator and the missionaries who have already been:
-They have different electrical outlets so we should bring converters... or transformers... Whatever they are called. I plan on bringing Bumblebee. Wouldn't a yellow Camaro that can drive itself and protect me from all the crazies be a perfect thing to take on this trip? Okay. Bad joke.
-Bring your own deodorant, toothpaste and sunscreen. Koreans don't stink or sweat so deodorant isn't sold everywhere and they add sugar to their toothpaste which tastes like chalk... Yum. Sunscreen isn't a necessary item when you aren't white and just waiting to look like a lobster the moment your skin makes contact with the sun's rays. So unfair. I want to be reincarnated with dark skin. Lucky ducks.
-Bring a set of sheets and a pillow... Yeah, that's all there is to say about that.
-Ladies: Buy your pants before you go. Koreans have no shape. If you have big feet (9 and up) you will have a hard time finding shoes there. Lucky my feet are small. :)
Things on the generic packing list:
3-5 pants
6-8 shirts
1-2 casual skirts
1 nice dress
Pajamas
Toiletries
1-2 comfortable shoes
1 dress shoes
Laundry bag
Towel
Batteries
Alarm clock
Umbrella
Small flashlight
With all of that in mind, I have started making lists of things I think I will need. I began the hunt last week with a search for comfortable but cute walking shoes. I ended up with a pair of adorable brown Taos that cost more than I have ever paid for a pair of shoes, but they are really comfortable and should last for a long time. For all your sturdy, walking, nice shoe needs, please visit Modern Shoe on center street in Provo. That is totally the place to go. They are really nice and knowledgeable.
Knowing myself, I want to pack light on the way out so that I will have plenty of room for the way back. Seriously, my sisters are asking me to bring back ramen pans... I can buy shirts and things there. But I'm definitely buying my pants here. Stupid Korean girls that have no shape. Ugh.
The time can't go fast enough. But the more I learn in my language classes, the more I realize how much I don't know. And that makes me nervous. But I'm trying to stay positive and look at what I HAVE learned. And how much I will learn when I get there. So long as I am willing to open my mouth and try. Yeah, I'm totally prepared to sound like an idiot. All the time. It's inevitable.
If you have ever gone out of the country and have any packing/traveling/anything tips for me, please leave a comment and let me know. I'm happy for any and all feedback. :)
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