Yearly Check-in

So it looks like this is going to be a thing with me... once a year catching up. I'm not too sure that any of it really matters a whole lot anyway but... just in case.

My year of firsts:

First time to Disneyworld and Universal (ie Harry Potter World!)
First time being a mom for a whole weekend
First time holding my day-old niece
First time 100% doing my own taxes (adulting is the worst)
First time going to a palm reader (palm was not read...)
First time seeing Sound of Music IN THEATERS!
First time to Kirtland (SMILE Zion's Camp!)
First time moving away from Virginia
First time living in Washington state
First time hiking in the Columbia River Gorge (lots of waterfalls)
First time buying a car! (first time registering said car-- so much moneys)
First time driving in Portland (save me!)
First time going to the temple alone
First time eating at Voodoo Donuts (once is kinda enough)
First time teaching dance outside of Utah
First temple sealing (Caitlin and Joshua! WOOT!)
First time being main planner of a road trip (Mindy being the co-planner)
First time to Vegas without family (MINDY!)
First time to see BIGBANG (aka 1st time to have physical proof why Daesung & I were meant to be) (MINDY!)
First time MEETING BIGBANG (Does holding hands count?) (MINDY!)
First time shadowing a physical therapist
First time doing aerial yoga
First time to the ballet (Chinese Shenyun to be precise)


It's been almost a year to the day since I last bestowed my verbal wit upon this blog [insert laughter here] and I can clearly recall where I was last January. I was sitting at my desk at Habitat for Humanity SHR, on break, when the urge struck and so off I went. Well, today, I am sitting at my desk in my room in Washington state. Way way across the country. The move from Virginia to Washington happened in May of last year. Well, actually, I was in Utah for a while, but then I came to Washington. And what do I have to say about it all? Washington is absolutely beautiful. It's green and the sky is huge and mostly cloudy. It rains a good deal but I was expecting it and the rain never bothered me anyway. ;) I miss the people in Virginia. I miss the branch. Caitlin, Kim, Emily... I miss you girls. I miss the neighborhood, I miss the Gardens. I miss the DC temple. I won't list off the things I don't miss; it's obviously not important.

Washington doesn't have a Caitlin or a Kim. Or Jackie or Missy or Katie or Mindy. I do have an Emily... luckily for me, one of my old BYU roommates lives in the same town that I do! Just a 15ish minute drive away. We have our weekly Tuesday night hangout where we watch our favorite shows together (Castle, Quantico, etc) and bring each other up to speed on the happenings. (Usually it's me telling her some story about the singles ward.) I teach dance at a studio about 10 minutes away and I enjoy it. It's not a lot of hours but the pay is great and the work is fun. I also take aerial yoga once a week (wish it was more). Aerial yoga is a fantastic workout and it's easy on my bones. I love it.

I'm still with my cute little babies (two of them - the two most adorable little girls in the whole wide world) and I love it more than I ever have. Maybe because it's harder than it was before, when there was just one, but it's so fulfilling. Granted, I think they're blessing me more than I'm helping them, but I do the best that I can. G is 2 and she certainly knows it. It meaning everything. She is so intelligent and crazy stubborn. She keeps me on my toes and I worry already that she's smarter than I am. She speaks in clear, full, complete sentences. This morning at breakfast, she announced to me that her little sister was "trying to grab her aquaphor." L is almost a year old. I can't believe that. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was driving to the hospital to see her for the first time. But it's true. The little chunk of love is 11 months next week. She is so expressive and adorable. When she wants to snuggle it's just the best thing in the world. Being able to spend so much time with these two... it makes me stop and think just how very lucky I am. This is a time that I won't be able to experience in the same way again and I am counting my blessings every minute of the day.

It's been nearly two years since I graduated from BYU. It's flown by. And I have spent that two years trying to figure out what exactly it is that I should be... want to be doing with my life. And, if you've kept up with me, you'll know, there's never been an answer. Not one single answer anyway. Like Heavenly Father has sort of stepped back and said, "You'll do the right thing- whatever it is." I've prayed, I've gone to the temple, I've fasted, I've agonized and cried and felt anxiety and depression over and over again, trying to figure it out. All the advice I've received has been good and was usually along these lines: "Just pick something. The world is your oyster. You can do ANYTHING. You just have to do something." While it is all true, it's not very helpful. Just letting you know. After many discussions with my sister, a thousand more prayers, I went to the temple, determined that I would have some sense of direction upon departure. I was sitting in the Celestial Room after a rather rough session, feeling confused and a little frustrated. So I poured out my soul to Heavenly Father, as I have done over and over and over and over again. When I'd laid it all out before him, something seemed to click in my mind and I said this, "Heavenly Father, I'm going to choose this path. I still don't know if it's the right thing but I'm going to head this way. If it's wrong, STOP ME." The path is physical therapy.

I spent a lot of time in the athletic training room at BYU with Ron Nuttall (one of the best men that I've ever known and a personal hero) and I think it was then that I developed some sort of interest. The truth is that I've always been interested in how the human body works, particularly as it relates to injuries. That comes with being a dancer. And I've always been drawn to help those who had injuries, curious as to how it happened, what steps they'd taken to care for it, etc. I looked into the athletic training program at BYU but for numerous reasons, it just didn't happen. So here I am, a few years later, following my faith, because that's really all I've got right now.  More prayers, more discussions, lots of research later, I decided that the doctorate program was a little more than I was willing to invest in my present state of mind. It didn't seem like the right timing or the right fit for me. My sister recommended looking into the physical therapy assistant degrees and so I did. And yesterday I applied to the certified program in Salt Lake. There have been a lot of bumps in the road, hoops to jump through and ruts to maneuver, but I'm plunging ahead with my faith and my prayers as the guiding force. We shall see where this takes me, but, if everything goes right, I will be back in school sometime later this year.

Nothing is ever easy, especially not the things that are worth it. But we learn and we grow. And when we turn around and look at how far we've come, we wouldn't usually trade the things we've been through, because those trials and obstacles have made us the people that we are today. It is our choice which way we grow- grow to be more faithful and positive or more bitter and pessimistic. God loves us. Each and every one of us. I have never doubted it but I certainly know it now with more surety than I did two years ago. The last year has by no means been an easy one. In some respects it's been one of the hardest so far, but it doesn't change the love that my Lord and Savior have for me, nor I for them. My very life is a witness of God's love and I will gladly share it with anyone who asks.

Well, I think that's everything. Until next year, friends!

Teach as you would be Taught; Learn as you would have others Learn from you

Do you remember what it was like to be young? To sit in school and listen to the teacher talk? You had your good days and your bad days. The days when everything went in one ear and out the other and then the days that what the teacher said filled your mind with wonder...
Sometimes it even still happens. Shocker.
Here's the purpose.
My success level the past several months has been approximately 1%. Everything I have tried out for since April has come back as a "Thanks but no thanks." And it hurts. The first time was the worst blow (which makes sense because it was the most important thing in my life, at the time, and I had worked the longest/hardest for it) and then there were smaller things that came after, but every time it came with a no. Can I tell you something you probably already know? NOs get harder and harder to hear after a while. You think it would get easier... but it doesn't.
So I have this good friend and some other not as good friends who suggested that I audition for this summer workshop called ReMix Vocal Academy. (As an aside: my voice is not the best. Sure, I can hum a tune, but as far as the serenity and purity... the tinkling sweet musicality of my vocal chords... not so much. It's not fingernails against a chalkboard though... just to be clear.) After some ponderage, I figured, "What the hey. I'll support my friendly acquaintances and audition. What's one more "no" to my repertoire? So I ended up picking a totally random song (Like a Prayer by Madonna? What?) and sent in... a jpg. Ha ha... oops. And it wasn't a good-looking jpg either. My mouth was wide open, chin pushed back-nearing double chinness, my hair is flying (I was in the midst of a rotation). See here:

Awkward, right?

Yeah, I know.

So at the time when I got an email back saying, (in more polite terms) "We cannot look at your audition video because you sent us a picture, genius."
At first, I just laughed at it. Because only I could do something like that. A little bit later, I saw my good friend and we talked about how I had auditioned. She knew about the jpg. And then my mind went, 'Uh oh. If she knows about the picture, then that means that....' Two people I very much respect for their talent had had a good laugh over my idiocy. Part A) I'm glad that I could be of use as comic relief. Part B) EMBARRASSING!!! And all of a sudden I was feeling like a total loser extraordinaire. Never fear, Good Friend talked me down out of my tree and after some thoughtfulness, I realized it's always better to laugh at yourself than to feel foolish about a silly thing like that. That being said, when you send in an audition for anything(!) make sure that it's a video and not an awkward, non-flattering picture.

That was my learning experience.

Now for my teaching experience.

I teach every Thursday for two and a half hours in the evenings. It has quickly become a bright spot in my week. These girls that I teach are angelic little devils, but weren't we all at that age? So yesterday I sat down with the senior company and we had a good chat about why they danced. We then talked about what dance is and how our motivation effects how we do. And after this good, deep discussion, I challenged them. "Always be genuine in everything you do."
Everything I teach those girls, is something that I wish that I had learned at their age so that I could have used it more as I transitioned. It is important to share the things, that we find important, with others, especially with those who look up to us. So maybe I don't have the best technique, but I can teach those girls some very important things that will, if utilized, change their lives forever.

Moral to all of this? A) Always be genuine in EVERYTHING you do. Don't take a second for granted. B) Be a good learner. Listen to the things that other people tell you. You don't have to use them all, but the truth is, your 'teacher' might have a greater insight on a specific situation than you. And C) Teach keeping yourself in mind as a student. Think about what you have learned and what has been most valuable to you. What do you wish you would have known five years before you actually learned it? Share your light, your energy, your passion. That is what makes a good teacher.