Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Friday, January 22, 2016

Yearly Check-in

So it looks like this is going to be a thing with me... once a year catching up. I'm not too sure that any of it really matters a whole lot anyway but... just in case.

My year of firsts:

First time to Disneyworld and Universal (ie Harry Potter World!)
First time being a mom for a whole weekend
First time holding my day-old niece
First time 100% doing my own taxes (adulting is the worst)
First time going to a palm reader (palm was not read...)
First time seeing Sound of Music IN THEATERS!
First time to Kirtland (SMILE Zion's Camp!)
First time moving away from Virginia
First time living in Washington state
First time hiking in the Columbia River Gorge (lots of waterfalls)
First time buying a car! (first time registering said car-- so much moneys)
First time driving in Portland (save me!)
First time going to the temple alone
First time eating at Voodoo Donuts (once is kinda enough)
First time teaching dance outside of Utah
First temple sealing (Caitlin and Joshua! WOOT!)
First time being main planner of a road trip (Mindy being the co-planner)
First time to Vegas without family (MINDY!)
First time to see BIGBANG (aka 1st time to have physical proof why Daesung & I were meant to be) (MINDY!)
First time MEETING BIGBANG (Does holding hands count?) (MINDY!)
First time shadowing a physical therapist
First time doing aerial yoga
First time to the ballet (Chinese Shenyun to be precise)


It's been almost a year to the day since I last bestowed my verbal wit upon this blog [insert laughter here] and I can clearly recall where I was last January. I was sitting at my desk at Habitat for Humanity SHR, on break, when the urge struck and so off I went. Well, today, I am sitting at my desk in my room in Washington state. Way way across the country. The move from Virginia to Washington happened in May of last year. Well, actually, I was in Utah for a while, but then I came to Washington. And what do I have to say about it all? Washington is absolutely beautiful. It's green and the sky is huge and mostly cloudy. It rains a good deal but I was expecting it and the rain never bothered me anyway. ;) I miss the people in Virginia. I miss the branch. Caitlin, Kim, Emily... I miss you girls. I miss the neighborhood, I miss the Gardens. I miss the DC temple. I won't list off the things I don't miss; it's obviously not important.

Washington doesn't have a Caitlin or a Kim. Or Jackie or Missy or Katie or Mindy. I do have an Emily... luckily for me, one of my old BYU roommates lives in the same town that I do! Just a 15ish minute drive away. We have our weekly Tuesday night hangout where we watch our favorite shows together (Castle, Quantico, etc) and bring each other up to speed on the happenings. (Usually it's me telling her some story about the singles ward.) I teach dance at a studio about 10 minutes away and I enjoy it. It's not a lot of hours but the pay is great and the work is fun. I also take aerial yoga once a week (wish it was more). Aerial yoga is a fantastic workout and it's easy on my bones. I love it.

I'm still with my cute little babies (two of them - the two most adorable little girls in the whole wide world) and I love it more than I ever have. Maybe because it's harder than it was before, when there was just one, but it's so fulfilling. Granted, I think they're blessing me more than I'm helping them, but I do the best that I can. G is 2 and she certainly knows it. It meaning everything. She is so intelligent and crazy stubborn. She keeps me on my toes and I worry already that she's smarter than I am. She speaks in clear, full, complete sentences. This morning at breakfast, she announced to me that her little sister was "trying to grab her aquaphor." L is almost a year old. I can't believe that. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was driving to the hospital to see her for the first time. But it's true. The little chunk of love is 11 months next week. She is so expressive and adorable. When she wants to snuggle it's just the best thing in the world. Being able to spend so much time with these two... it makes me stop and think just how very lucky I am. This is a time that I won't be able to experience in the same way again and I am counting my blessings every minute of the day.

It's been nearly two years since I graduated from BYU. It's flown by. And I have spent that two years trying to figure out what exactly it is that I should be... want to be doing with my life. And, if you've kept up with me, you'll know, there's never been an answer. Not one single answer anyway. Like Heavenly Father has sort of stepped back and said, "You'll do the right thing- whatever it is." I've prayed, I've gone to the temple, I've fasted, I've agonized and cried and felt anxiety and depression over and over again, trying to figure it out. All the advice I've received has been good and was usually along these lines: "Just pick something. The world is your oyster. You can do ANYTHING. You just have to do something." While it is all true, it's not very helpful. Just letting you know. After many discussions with my sister, a thousand more prayers, I went to the temple, determined that I would have some sense of direction upon departure. I was sitting in the Celestial Room after a rather rough session, feeling confused and a little frustrated. So I poured out my soul to Heavenly Father, as I have done over and over and over and over again. When I'd laid it all out before him, something seemed to click in my mind and I said this, "Heavenly Father, I'm going to choose this path. I still don't know if it's the right thing but I'm going to head this way. If it's wrong, STOP ME." The path is physical therapy.

I spent a lot of time in the athletic training room at BYU with Ron Nuttall (one of the best men that I've ever known and a personal hero) and I think it was then that I developed some sort of interest. The truth is that I've always been interested in how the human body works, particularly as it relates to injuries. That comes with being a dancer. And I've always been drawn to help those who had injuries, curious as to how it happened, what steps they'd taken to care for it, etc. I looked into the athletic training program at BYU but for numerous reasons, it just didn't happen. So here I am, a few years later, following my faith, because that's really all I've got right now.  More prayers, more discussions, lots of research later, I decided that the doctorate program was a little more than I was willing to invest in my present state of mind. It didn't seem like the right timing or the right fit for me. My sister recommended looking into the physical therapy assistant degrees and so I did. And yesterday I applied to the certified program in Salt Lake. There have been a lot of bumps in the road, hoops to jump through and ruts to maneuver, but I'm plunging ahead with my faith and my prayers as the guiding force. We shall see where this takes me, but, if everything goes right, I will be back in school sometime later this year.

Nothing is ever easy, especially not the things that are worth it. But we learn and we grow. And when we turn around and look at how far we've come, we wouldn't usually trade the things we've been through, because those trials and obstacles have made us the people that we are today. It is our choice which way we grow- grow to be more faithful and positive or more bitter and pessimistic. God loves us. Each and every one of us. I have never doubted it but I certainly know it now with more surety than I did two years ago. The last year has by no means been an easy one. In some respects it's been one of the hardest so far, but it doesn't change the love that my Lord and Savior have for me, nor I for them. My very life is a witness of God's love and I will gladly share it with anyone who asks.

Well, I think that's everything. Until next year, friends!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Don't tell me you didn't see this coming... Okay, maybe you didn't

This is one of those really important, epic-times-to-come posts. If you care at all about my life, if you only read one of my worthless blog posts, this should be the one.

Ready?

This girl is going to Korea!!!!

For those of you who want to know (and this is almost every person so far) I'm going to SOUTH Korea, not North.  I thought that was an easy one, but I have no trouble clarifying for those who may get confused.

Explanation:
Back in other posts, I may have mentioned my discovery of Korean culture. (Just a tiny bit... or maybe more than that.) At any rate, the short version of the beginning of this long story is that I walked in on my sisters watching a Korean drama (hereafter referred to as a Kdrama) and sat down to watch a few minutes because I had the time. Life changing moment (thank you sisters).

Let's go back a bit.

You also may know that after I left the folk dance program at BYU, I was a little bit lost, okay a lot bit lost as to what I was going to do next. Folk dance was THE reason that I came to BYU. So it took me a semester to work out what I was supposed to be doing, what The Lord wanted me to do.  Not an easy thing by any stretch of the imagination (and I happen to have a pretty stretchy one- just ask those who have read my thrice-written, never finished novel). The first step in this transformation was finding a new major... again. I know. Believe me, I know. So after spending some time with a counselor, and talking with a good friend, I discovered the awesomeness that is the Geography department. And, after jumping through some hoops, I became a Global Studies major. Woot. First good decision. But I still missed folk dance. In fact, I think it's safe to say that taking all these classes about the world and culture made me miss folk dance even more. But I promised myself that after fall semester was over, I would move on. I would not be sad anymore about things that I couldn't change.
It wasn't that smooth of a transition, but I sure gave it my all.
It was a little way into winter semester that the Kdrama thing occurred. One Kdrama. "Lie to Me" was a fun, uplifting, CLEAN show. I wasn't new to the world of subtitles, having already been an avid fan of Bollywood, so it wasn't that hard for me to enjoy the overly dramatic, heart wrenching, depressing, laugh-out-loud cheesy stickiness that comes with just about every Kdrama.
Next for me came the language. I have always had a bit of a talent when it comes to movie quotes and intonation... My sisters make me quote Pirates of the Caribbean just so they can laugh at me... Anywho... I began to really LISTEN to the words and what those sounds implied. And then I decided that I wanted to learn Korean.
So I started teaching myself. The alphabet, how to put words together, making shot sentences like "우유요." (Translation: "It's milk.") And then listening and learning vocabulary words. But it was never enough. I felt like I was missing out on some aspect that was vital to my learning experience. So I decided to sign up for a class that fall semester. Another really good decision.
I almost forgot to mention K-Pop in this ever-so important post. Have you heard Gangnam Style? Did you know that Gangnam Style is a Korean song? News people: Gangnam Style isn't even close to being a good representation of what K-Pop REALLY is! It's a fun song. But there is so. Much. Better. out there! Expand your horizons! Start with this: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=AAbokV76tkU. Or this: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dww9UjJ4Dt8

Okay stop. Before you start the harsh criticism, I just want to remind you that it is a completely different culture there. Completely different. As different as tribes in Africa that walk around half naked or with piercings that cover their entire bodies. There is no need to mock their obvious femininity. They have a different idea of what is beautiful. This is CULTURE. This is what I am studying. Keep an open mind and appreciate. You don't have to agree or become a fan, but you do have to appreciate.

Off my soap box.

You are probably thinking at this point, "This is all very well, Christina, but how did you get to actually going to Korea?"
Back in April, I happened to see a sign for a study abroad to India. Yes, India. What do India and Korea have in common? They are both in Asia! I know this is pretty crazy. Believe me, the story is even crazier! So... April. I didn't think much beyond, 'I should sign up for that.' I didn't really think I would get accepted. I assumed that they would want me to graduate. But a week later, I got my acceptance email. I was excited. It was something for me to look forward to. Unfortunately, it was also for into the future. A few months shy of a year and that gave me plenty of time to worry and wonder. But I was determined to step outside my bubble. So I put $1000 down toward securing my spot. I had a talk with my friend at work who was all about support and bolstered me up. Despite what everyone was saying about India, it would be a good experience. And I was dedicated to it. But then...
Fall semester came and I was ready for it. I had classes that I was hoping to enjoy and a study abroad to look forward to. Sometime at the end of September, my dad walks up to me and asks, "Christina, can we talk about your study abroad?" I said, "Sho, Daddy. What do you want to talk about?" And he said, "Can we talk about you going someplace else?"
Boom.
He proceeded to explain that he just hadn't been feeling good about it. I was upset mostly. I didn't understand why he couldn't just support me. That night as I was going to bed, I said an upset prayer to Heavenly Father, asking why my dad couldn't just believe in me for once. Boy, does Heavenly Father answer prayers.
The next morning, I woke up with an uneasy feeling. It was the same feeling that had been haunting me on and off for the past several months. This time, I followed it instead of squashing it. It led me to the Kennedy Center. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to walk in and just explain my situation and see what my options were. The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was a flyer for a brand new study abroad to South Korea. And in that moment, it was as though Heavenly Father was whispering in my ear that He has a plan. And I was reminded that fathers can receive inspiration for their families. I will be forever grateful that my daddy followed that prompting that he had. Not that BYU would ever take students someplace unsafe, but that this path is the right one for me.
A secretary listened to my situation and happily explained that it would be a simple process to change programs but that the $1000 was nonrefundable. But I didn't want it refunded, I just wanted it transferred! I took my problem all the way to the top. I started by emailing the student accounts manager and waited. When he didn't get back to me, I went to his office and he told me I had to go see someone else. Eventually, I ended up at the director of all study abroads' office. He knew who I was and began to look some things up on his computer, while I explained my situation to him. At last he said that transferring the $1000 shouldn't be a problem.
So I filled out the application for South Korea. It got quite sticky for a while because I was still enrolled in India, so nothing would happen to my money because I cancelled all of a sudden. But then I started getting emails from the director of India. So I eloquently told him my problem and he proceeded to lecture me on how India is a very time-intensive program and if I wasn't ever dedicated to it, I shouldn't have signed up and I might as well just cancel right away. Ouch. Needless to say (after he called my parents), I knew that I wasn't going to India, even if I didn't make it into the Korea program.
It took a long time for me to find out that I was for sure going. In fact, it was just yesterday. I got an email from the student facilitator asking me to come to an information meeting. Naturally, he told me and a friend the wrong room so we had to wait for 30 minutes... but we got there.
and then it was official. I am going to South Korea in May.

Pause.

It still gives me shivers.

...

Freak out complete.

I'm going to go all ecumenically philosophical now. If you don't want to hear about it, you've read all you really need to. :) (Mindy joke)

I have never had a BIG dream. My dreams have always been pretty rational because I am, for the most part, a sensible being. My biggest dream was coming to BYU to be on the folk dance touring team and that wasn't even fully realized. One thing I've learned, with help from a friend, is that it is okay to dream big. Even if someone tells you that it's never going to happen, dream it anyway! This realization led me to another self-discovery. Deep breath. I am so glad that I'm not married. There, I said it. It's a funny thing to consciously realize. I really am glad. Here's why.
There is so much in this world that I haven't done that I want to do. There was a time in my life when I wanted nothing more than to find a great guy and settle down, but I'm glad that didn't happen. Heavenly Father has a big plan in store for me, so big that he pretty much flipped my world over. Seriously. If I had been able to look at what my life is like today, two years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was true.
I think as human beings, especially in this day and age, we are so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it. Immediate satisfaction. The past year and a half has taught me to trust in His plan. Not just to trust, but to rely wholly on Him. An old roommate taught me that if He closes off one thing, it means that He has something much better in store for you. And I believe that. I know it. Because if He hadn't led me away from folk dance, I never would have found Korean and I wouldn't have this big dream for my future. A plan for my future. Something I have never had before. I honestly never imagined my life past college. And now I have. I know what I want to do. But that's for another post.

We are so silly. Time and time again, we get frustrated with God. We blame Him and think He doesn't care about us, about what we want. He probably just shakes His head and murmurs, "I care more than you know which is why I'm doing this." He knows what is best and we should, by this point in our lives, understand and accept that. Have faith that He is steering you down the right path, to your ultimate destination. Take a moment and look back on your life. Think about some of the things you wanted. Would you be where you are now if Heavenly Father hadn't given you nudges in other directions? Maybe you were lucky and your plan matched up pretty well with His. Lucky you

I am living proof that Heavenly Father cares and will guide us to where we are meant to go. He's had to push me pretty hard sometimes. It hurts. It can be the worst, but ultimately it will be the best.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Teach as you would be Taught; Learn as you would have others Learn from you

Do you remember what it was like to be young? To sit in school and listen to the teacher talk? You had your good days and your bad days. The days when everything went in one ear and out the other and then the days that what the teacher said filled your mind with wonder...
Sometimes it even still happens. Shocker.
Here's the purpose.
My success level the past several months has been approximately 1%. Everything I have tried out for since April has come back as a "Thanks but no thanks." And it hurts. The first time was the worst blow (which makes sense because it was the most important thing in my life, at the time, and I had worked the longest/hardest for it) and then there were smaller things that came after, but every time it came with a no. Can I tell you something you probably already know? NOs get harder and harder to hear after a while. You think it would get easier... but it doesn't.
So I have this good friend and some other not as good friends who suggested that I audition for this summer workshop called ReMix Vocal Academy. (As an aside: my voice is not the best. Sure, I can hum a tune, but as far as the serenity and purity... the tinkling sweet musicality of my vocal chords... not so much. It's not fingernails against a chalkboard though... just to be clear.) After some ponderage, I figured, "What the hey. I'll support my friendly acquaintances and audition. What's one more "no" to my repertoire? So I ended up picking a totally random song (Like a Prayer by Madonna? What?) and sent in... a jpg. Ha ha... oops. And it wasn't a good-looking jpg either. My mouth was wide open, chin pushed back-nearing double chinness, my hair is flying (I was in the midst of a rotation). See here:
Awkward, right?

Yeah, I know.

So at the time when I got an email back saying, (in more polite terms) "We cannot look at your audition video because you sent us a picture, genius."
At first, I just laughed at it. Because only I could do something like that. A little bit later, I saw my good friend and we talked about how I had auditioned. She knew about the jpg. And then my mind went, 'Uh oh. If she knows about the picture, then that means that....' Two people I very much respect for their talent had had a good laugh over my idiocy. Part A) I'm glad that I could be of use as comic relief. Part B) EMBARRASSING!!! And all of a sudden I was feeling like a total loser extraordinaire. Never fear, Good Friend talked me down out of my tree and after some thoughtfulness, I realized it's always better to laugh at yourself than to feel foolish about a silly thing like that. That being said, when you send in an audition for anything(!) make sure that it's a video and not an awkward, non-flattering picture.

That was my learning experience.

Now for my teaching experience.

I teach every Thursday for two and a half hours in the evenings. It has quickly become a bright spot in my week. These girls that I teach are angelic little devils, but weren't we all at that age? So yesterday I sat down with the senior company and we had a good chat about why they danced. We then talked about what dance is and how our motivation effects how we do. And after this good, deep discussion, I challenged them. "Always be genuine in everything you do."
Everything I teach those girls, is something that I wish that I had learned at their age so that I could have used it more as I transitioned. It is important to share the things, that we find important, with others, especially with those who look up to us. So maybe I don't have the best technique, but I can teach those girls some very important things that will, if utilized, change their lives forever.

Moral to all of this? A) Always be genuine in EVERYTHING you do. Don't take a second for granted. B) Be a good learner. Listen to the things that other people tell you. You don't have to use them all, but the truth is, your 'teacher' might have a greater insight on a specific situation than you. And C) Teach keeping yourself in mind as a student. Think about what you have learned and what has been most valuable to you. What do you wish you would have known five years before you actually learned it? Share your light, your energy, your passion. That is what makes a good teacher.