Playing Catchup

Ah hey. It's been another... almost year! I don't really have any excuses for not writing. I guess my life kind of went in another direction and blogging about it didn't seem like a thing that I should be doing? I can't really say for sure. Because, as far as my boring life goes, quite a lot of stuff happened.
So... recap:

Summer 2013: I went to South Korea for a couple months. It was an exciting time. There were good and bad times. I learned a lot. I did not come back fluent, but I was competent enough to travel across the country on my own with a friend who spoke the same amount that I did. (Which, in retrospect, was definitely not enough...) Back in Utah, I spent the rest of the summer playing with my sisters and devising my schedule for the coming school year. Which is when I found out how very close to graduation I was. Which freaked me out a little bit. But it was long past due so I figured I would give it my all. However, the closer to the start of semester I got, the more I realized that I wasn't really prepared to graduate. I didn't feel as though I had fulfilled all that I wanted to. I didn't feel accomplished, or prepared to enter the workforce. Man, I didn't even like my major! I had no plan, no notion of what I was going to do after graduation. I didn't even have a hint of an idea as to what kind of job I wanted to get. Buuut... BYU pushed me to graduate. In fact, they wanted me to forget my minor and my language classes; they wanted me to finish in a semester and graduate in December. I pushed real hard for that extra semester...

Fall 2013/Winter 2014: School. My last year. I spent the fall teaching dance in Pleasant Grove and taking something like 16 credits. I was stressed about money- as much as I loved teaching, it was a long drive and not enough hours to really get me through my bills. So I was also looking for a job. Thank goodness for connections! In December, roommate introduced me to Jeff Strong, a fantastic BYU police officer who gave me a job at the Museum of Art on campus. And I took the early shift. Kill me, I was up at 4:30 every morning, but I enjoyed the work and I needed it. My second semester was a race against time. I cared more about my language class than I did about any of my major classes. I was graduating in just a few months and the only thing topping my enormous pile of regrets was the fact that I was terrified of what I was going to do after BYU. I hated myself for the decisions that had led me to where I was academically. But I was graduating and there wasn't much I could do about except try to pass my classes. (Which I did, in case you were wondering.) Some time in March, I got a call from my sister Katie, who lives in Virginia with her husband and daughter. She told me that her nanny couldn't work for them anymore and was wondering if I would like to come to Virginia for the summer to watch my niece. I prayed. I pondered. I was ready to get out of Utah and here was my opportunity. So I jumped.

Summer 2014: Never did I ever think that I would be living in Virginia. But Grace is the sweetest, cutest, most wonderful little one-year old in the world and I am SO LUCKY that I get to spend so much time with her. It was a very different kind of summer, but I enjoyed it. I liked the new atmosphere, meeting new people, attending a tiny branch of singles that was the polar opposite of any BYU ward I'd attended. I miss Utah. I miss my family and friends. I miss the familiarity. I miss the mountains and the church. But I've learned a lot. Not just about the world, but about myself. Things I probably wouldn't have learned if I'd stayed in Utah. I started searching for life options. Go back to school? For what? What did I really want to do? Go back to Utah? Get a job? Move to Korea and teach English? Nothing was really very clear. And it was stressful. Lots of praying and hoping. And faith. Lots and lots of faith. Because I know, regardless of what does or does not happen, that Heavenly Father will guide me.
Fall 2014: Trying to get a better idea of what I wanted to do... found out my sister was having another baby and it was like an answer to a prayer. I needed to stay in Virginia. It wasn't my plan, but I knew it was right. I got a calling in the branch's relief society presidency and another job at Habitat for Humanity in the family services department. Also a lot of new experiences. I never thought I'd be the "crazy Mormon" but at Habitat, I am!

Now: It's 2015 and I'm still no closer to making a discovery about a life path. It's one of my New Year's resolutions though! ;) A chance to go to Korea to teach English with a friend came up. Initially, I was feeling okay about it. I love Korea, in spite of some of the anxiety that comes up whenever I think about it, and I would be with a friend. So I sent in my resume. Which is a pretty big step for me, considering less than a year ago, I was 100% sure that I didn't ever want to teach English.  I wasn't feeling great about it still, but I felt that it was probably time to take a leap and Korea would definitely be a leap. Well, it turns out that they wanted us in March. And the more I thought about it, the worse it felt. I am committed to Grace and little sister, to my friends, to my branch, to Norfolk, to this current situation, until they move this summer. And March is only two months away. But I prayed about it. I talked to my sister about it. And even after she gave her blessing and said it would be fine, they would figure it out, I did not feel good about it. Even more so, I didn't want to go. And then I made a sort of realization. I think I've been trying to make other peoples' dreams my own. Someone is really excited about teaching in Korea so it excites me too. Someone else is going to grad school and is feeling very fulfilled, if a little stressed, so I should go to grad school too. Life is comfortable and familiar in Utah so I should definitely go back to living there too. These are all good things, but they aren't necessarily mine. I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize that.
Maybe it's because I've been so desperate for a dream for so long. No one has forced anything on me, I simply want to have purpose. And that brought me to another lightbulb. While watching my niece may not be academically fulfilling, it is wonderful, more wonderful than I deserve. She is a little light in my life and I love her so much. She teaches me more than I teach her, I think. I'm so blessed.

So will I nanny for the rest of my life? Maybe not. But I am pretty happy and I can find ways to be fulfilled aside from saving the world or curing the common cold. I have options and I have my whole life ahead of me. That may be terrifying and overwhelming, but I will take it one day at a time and I am never alone. There is always Someone on my side. And that is a huge comfort and far more than I deserve.

So... It's Been... Months

Ah, hey guys!

So...

It's been approximately... less than a year? Yeah...

Brief catchup:

So I was in Korea. For two months. We traveled all over. When I say all over, I mean all over. We started in the capital and moved our way down the east side of the country, all the way to the island off the southern coast. Jeju! And then we made our way back up to Seoul via the west side. It was an incredible two months. I learned so so much both good and bad.

 I know that's a lame explanation of two months. One paragraph will never be able to do it justice. But it is what I can do for right now. There are plenty of pictures on Facebook if you're curious. As far as details... when I get some free time, I will try to post in greater length. So...

Life.

Back in school. And: I'm graduating in APRIL!!!!! Woohoo! Yup, it's pretty exciting and I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also scared silly. What on earth am I going to do after I graduate? I can almost hear you answering me: 'get a job, Christina, duh.' Well, yeah. Thanks for that. :) But where? HOW? WHAT? Where do I even start looking? These questions are kind of eating me up inside, even as I try to shove them aside and focus on just making it through my final semester. Which is turning out to be pretty darn tough. Statistics is the bane of my existence. I don't care what anyone says. Sorry. But, I'm taking Zumba and trying desperately to improve my Korean whilst working two jobs and being a good roommate. Hey, I'm still alive. Insert amazing song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of2GzuZGxo0. Ahem. Moving on.... :) So yeah. Problem 1: Completing final semester of school without allowing senioritis to drown me. Problem 2: The big massive SCARY void that is post-graduation!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay. Now that I've got that out there.

Erm... that's really all that's going on. I miss old friends, even as I make new friends. I miss old dreams even as I make new ones. I battle myself on my greatest desires even as I attempt to face reality head-on. Aigoo (Korean expression... often invokes exasperation).

뭐 어떻가지? 아이구... 도와 주세요!

읽기 주셔서 감사합니다!!!!

The Korea Diaries: Prepping for Korea Part 2

Finals are finally finished! Now is the time for me to start focusing solely on all the things I must do in the next 6 days... Including packing. It's very difficult to decide what I want to take with me that I can't live without for 2 months... And I need to be mobile because we won't be sitting still very much. So I decided to try to cram my life into one suitcase and my backpack. Whatever doesn't fit... I guess I will get there.
There are some things that I don't think I will be able to get there. You may have noticed... Asians don't really have hair like mine. So... naturally, they won't have the stuff to take care of hair like mine. Which adds a bunch of weight and hassle but it's totally necessary. I have adopted a no-stress policy. We shall see how well that works out. :)
Also on my agenda. Speak Korean. I haven't really spoken much Korean since my oral final... LAST FRIDAY. What? That's... over a week! So it's a goal... Speak as much as I can every day. Remember everything that was just flushed out of your brain... Because that happens every semester after finals. My brain takes all of the information it has been holding onto for the past four months, and it dumps it all. Sometimes quite useful... Other times not so much.
There are so many people in my life that I want to say goodbye to that I'm a little bit afraid I'm just not going to get around to... It makes me very sad. This is one of those things that I regret the most... And I hope that you will forgive me. Because I'm sorry. So sorry. Time has simply flown and I have had to let go of a lot of things I wanted to do and so many people I wanted to see. Just know that you are in my thoughts and I love you a lot!

Down to a bit more serious matter. People keep asking if I'm going, what with the scary stuff that is happening over there. Yes. Yes I am still going. Security even contacted the US Embassy there to make sure that it was okay. And all is well. South Korea isn't bothered a bit by what is going on to the north. No, the only people who seem to be making a fuss are us. Which, according to my director, is just what North Korea wants... to boost morale within their borders. So the media is turning it into a big deal and they are getting their reaction. Don't worry; it's all gonna be fine. :)
Another question on your mind: Am I nervous?
Well... I wasn't. For quite a while. And maybe that's just because it hasn't seemed very real since I was still focusing on school. But after our last group meeting, I did get a bit nervous... Mostly because I really don't know much of the language. I know enough to get by... barely. I mean, this is why I am going, to learn the language... But I think that the first week or so is going to be quite interesting. But I won't be alone. And I'm not worried. So don't you worry either. Not that you were.
It's going to be an adventure. I'm lucky enough to have my dear friend Mindy coming along with me so I shall never be lonely. We have plans... Just you wait and see. I will spill the beams on one thing though. We managed to get tickets to see CNBlue in concert in Seoul!!!! Okay, this won't mean much to you, but it sure means A LOT to us. It's pretty epic. More details to come no doubt. So many that I will probably bore you.

This is really all I can think of for now... If you have any packing suggestions, or things I should definitely bring along/not forget... Or any travel advice at all, post it below, I would love to hear your thoughts. :)

The Korea Diaries: Prepping for Korea Part 1

These days, whenever people ask how I'm doing or what I'm up to, I kind of forget that I'm in school and working... my mind immediately flies to the trip that I'm about to take in approximately 50 days!!!! Most minutes, I'm thinking, "life can't get more exciting than this". Not too long after that, reality kicks in and I recognize that I have to deal with things here before I can go anywhere... Yeah.
Prep classes have started. It took a while to solidify everything-- to be honest, things still don't seem terribly solid, but we're for sure going (my bank account can attest to that) and that is really all that matters to me at this point in time. There are approximately 14 of us going, including Dr. Peterson, the head of this brigade. Apparently he is a master of all things Korea (excepting pop culture, of which he knows... very little). My Korean friends tell me that his Korean is flawless, so that makes me excited to spend some time learning from him, hoping I will pick up some of that awesomeness.
Our schedule is pretty tentative. 5 days in Seoul, then to Andong where we will be staying in a Hanok (translation: traditional housing-- most likely rebuilt or renovated, so we will get the whole sleeping on the floors with the sliding doors and everything!), fourish weeks in Inchae (a town way south, not too far from Busan), and then back to Seoul for the last few days. Somewhere in all of that we will also be going to Thebeck and Gangnam to name a few. (If you start singing Gangnam Style now, I will disown you as a friend-- okay, not really, but seriously don't)
We were given the option of what we wanted to focus on for our studies while we are there. Some of the RMs who have good language skills, will focus more on cultural aspect, or some other kind of research. One kid jokingly suggested doing a research paper on 노래방s ('noraebangs' are karaoke rooms)... that probably won't happen. I am determined to spend the majority of my time on language. That's my biggest reason for going so that is what I will be doing.
Our days are supposed to go somewhat like this:
9 am: "Open the Day" (Dr. Peterson's words-- assuming, breakfast, song, prayer, etc)
9-11: culture class
11: language
12: lunch
1: language again
Sounds exciting, right? Actually, this is like a dream come true. I get to spend every day for two whole months doing nothing but studying language and culture! I have thoughts about learning how to play the gayageum (a Korean stringed instrument) but we will see if that's a possibility. :)
Some warnings from our student facilitator and the missionaries who have already been:
-They have different electrical outlets so we should bring converters... or transformers... Whatever they are called. I plan on bringing Bumblebee. Wouldn't a yellow Camaro that can drive itself and protect me from all the crazies be a perfect thing to take on this trip? Okay. Bad joke.
-Bring your own deodorant, toothpaste and sunscreen. Koreans don't stink or sweat so deodorant isn't sold everywhere and they add sugar to their toothpaste which tastes like chalk... Yum. Sunscreen isn't a necessary item when you aren't white and just waiting to look like a lobster the moment your skin makes contact with the sun's rays. So unfair. I want to be reincarnated with dark skin. Lucky ducks.
-Bring a set of sheets and a pillow... Yeah, that's all there is to say about that.
-Ladies: Buy your pants before you go. Koreans have no shape. If you have big feet (9 and up) you will have a hard time finding shoes there. Lucky my feet are small. :)
Things on the generic packing list:
3-5 pants
6-8 shirts
1-2 casual skirts
1 nice dress
Pajamas
Toiletries
1-2 comfortable shoes
1 dress shoes

Laundry bag
Towel
Batteries
Alarm clock
Umbrella
Small flashlight

With all of that in mind, I have started making lists of things I think I will need. I began the hunt last week with a search for comfortable but cute walking shoes. I ended up with a pair of adorable brown Taos that cost more than I have ever paid for a pair of shoes, but they are really comfortable and should last for a long time. For all your sturdy, walking, nice shoe needs, please visit Modern Shoe on center street in Provo. That is totally the place to go. They are really nice and knowledgeable.
Knowing myself, I want to pack light on the way out so that I will have plenty of room for the way back. Seriously, my sisters are asking me to bring back ramen pans... I can buy shirts and things there. But I'm definitely buying my pants here. Stupid Korean girls that have no shape. Ugh.
The time can't go fast enough. But the more I learn in my language classes, the more I realize how much I don't know. And that makes me nervous. But I'm trying to stay positive and look at what I HAVE learned. And how much I will learn when I get there. So long as I am willing to open my mouth and try. Yeah, I'm totally prepared to sound like an idiot. All the time. It's inevitable.

If you have ever gone out of the country and have any packing/traveling/anything tips for me, please leave a comment and let me know. I'm happy for any and all feedback. :)

To Be that Person I was always Meant to Be

So let's be honest. In this life, there are haters. It's a sad truth; one would hope that everyone and their dog would be happy and kind and the whole world would be able to dance around in one gigantic circle, holding hands (my apologies to the ones who end up in the northern ocean area...) and that peace would reign and it would be butterflies and rainbows. It sounds amazing, right? It sounds like a little peace of heaven to this culture-studying, people-loving geography major.
But the world isn't like that. And people are angry and hateful. Sometimes it turns into exploding bombs and death, and sometimes it's a little bit closer to home.
I have recently been discovering this subtle kind. It's not so much "hate" as it is putting people down and feeding doubt. It's terrible. And I have been a victim of it as I think everyone has. It's easy to give up when someone tells you rather authoritatively that "that's not possible" or "you can't do that". But let me say something right now. One of my goals of 2013 is to make all the things I thought "not possible" into possible. I'm taking my dreams and turning them into realities. Because:

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!

It's easy to hear, I know, but not so easy to actually do. But I think we've all heard all of our lives that nothing that is easy is truly going to be worth it. And how absolutely true that is. Sure it's easy to gorge yourself on delightful foods at Christmas time but it's so hard to get those pounds off afterwards. But if it's something that you really want, you find a way to make it happen. If you are a Pinterester, I have an entire board dedicated to inspirational thoughts that, if you are having a terrible day, week, month or year, should give you a little boost if you have need of some boosting. I know I've had that time and still have those kind of days every now and again.

I cannot stress how important it is to me that people fight for their dreams. Maybe because I've given up on so many of mine thinking that it isn't possible, it's not something I can do. And yeah, usually it's because someone told me so. It's so simple giving into doubt and fear because that's our automatic. Give up. It's too hard. But our inner strength comes from fighting. We become our best selves by doing those hard things. And it feels terrible while you're going through it. But one day, all of that pain and anguish will make sense because you've walked through the fiery furnace and come out a shimmering, sparkling, worth-billions, diamond. 

This is our purpose. We aren't meant to simply float along in this life. We are meant to do something incredible. Look at the people around you. You can do something each of them can't. And they each can do something you can't. It was meant to be this way and we were meant to learn from it. 

It's okay to have hard days, to cry and hate life. What's not okay is if you allow every day to be like that, if you give up, if you lay down and say, "I can't do this anymore." You can do it. You're never alone. Anything good you desire, you can obtain if only you try. 

Life at the end of 2012

It's been a good long while since I've blogged.
Maybe because it was the end of the semester and there were other things taking up my time.

Maybe because I've had nothing new to report.

Or maybe it's both.

Now that the semester is over and I have no more homework or finals to stress about for a while, my mind is occupied, probably 99% of the time with what is coming in April. It took quite a bit of effort to get to this point and now I am just ready to be there.

I even bought a tour guide book/good phrases to know/a lot of good things to know book... *ahem* to memorize before I go so I don't look like a dorky tourist when I get there.


But let's be honest, I'm not exactly going to blend in... I think it's the white skin. Or maybe the curls.
Whatever. So I won't blend in, but I'm sure gonna try!

I keep having dreams about getting on a plane that just keeps flying, never landing anywhere. An eternal flight... I guess that could be classified as a nightmare. :)

April will come, I'd just like to skip over the four months between now and then. I imagine that Korea is just going to be one big party. Especially when I listen to this song. :) Ob

Obviously it's not going to be exactly like this... but I can be excited nonetheless. It's my dream and I'm livin' it!

P.s. The irony of this music video is that it is not filmed in Korea. :D But that's what I'm going to be doing in Seoul. The walking down the street and dancing thing. Not the graffiti or singing on stage for a bunch of people. :)

Don't tell me you didn't see this coming... Okay, maybe you didn't

This is one of those really important, epic-times-to-come posts. If you care at all about my life, if you only read one of my worthless blog posts, this should be the one.

Ready?

This girl is going to Korea!!!!

For those of you who want to know (and this is almost every person so far) I'm going to SOUTH Korea, not North.  I thought that was an easy one, but I have no trouble clarifying for those who may get confused.

Explanation:
Back in other posts, I may have mentioned my discovery of Korean culture. (Just a tiny bit... or maybe more than that.) At any rate, the short version of the beginning of this long story is that I walked in on my sisters watching a Korean drama (hereafter referred to as a Kdrama) and sat down to watch a few minutes because I had the time. Life changing moment (thank you sisters).

Let's go back a bit.

You also may know that after I left the folk dance program at BYU, I was a little bit lost, okay a lot bit lost as to what I was going to do next. Folk dance was THE reason that I came to BYU. So it took me a semester to work out what I was supposed to be doing, what The Lord wanted me to do.  Not an easy thing by any stretch of the imagination (and I happen to have a pretty stretchy one- just ask those who have read my thrice-written, never finished novel). The first step in this transformation was finding a new major... again. I know. Believe me, I know. So after spending some time with a counselor, and talking with a good friend, I discovered the awesomeness that is the Geography department. And, after jumping through some hoops, I became a Global Studies major. Woot. First good decision. But I still missed folk dance. In fact, I think it's safe to say that taking all these classes about the world and culture made me miss folk dance even more. But I promised myself that after fall semester was over, I would move on. I would not be sad anymore about things that I couldn't change.
It wasn't that smooth of a transition, but I sure gave it my all.
It was a little way into winter semester that the Kdrama thing occurred. One Kdrama. "Lie to Me" was a fun, uplifting, CLEAN show. I wasn't new to the world of subtitles, having already been an avid fan of Bollywood, so it wasn't that hard for me to enjoy the overly dramatic, heart wrenching, depressing, laugh-out-loud cheesy stickiness that comes with just about every Kdrama.
Next for me came the language. I have always had a bit of a talent when it comes to movie quotes and intonation... My sisters make me quote Pirates of the Caribbean just so they can laugh at me... Anywho... I began to really LISTEN to the words and what those sounds implied. And then I decided that I wanted to learn Korean.
So I started teaching myself. The alphabet, how to put words together, making shot sentences like "우유요." (Translation: "It's milk.") And then listening and learning vocabulary words. But it was never enough. I felt like I was missing out on some aspect that was vital to my learning experience. So I decided to sign up for a class that fall semester. Another really good decision.
I almost forgot to mention K-Pop in this ever-so important post. Have you heard Gangnam Style? Did you know that Gangnam Style is a Korean song? News people: Gangnam Style isn't even close to being a good representation of what K-Pop REALLY is! It's a fun song. But there is so. Much. Better. out there! Expand your horizons! Start with this: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=AAbokV76tkU. Or this: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dww9UjJ4Dt8

Okay stop. Before you start the harsh criticism, I just want to remind you that it is a completely different culture there. Completely different. As different as tribes in Africa that walk around half naked or with piercings that cover their entire bodies. There is no need to mock their obvious femininity. They have a different idea of what is beautiful. This is CULTURE. This is what I am studying. Keep an open mind and appreciate. You don't have to agree or become a fan, but you do have to appreciate.

Off my soap box.

You are probably thinking at this point, "This is all very well, Christina, but how did you get to actually going to Korea?"
Back in April, I happened to see a sign for a study abroad to India. Yes, India. What do India and Korea have in common? They are both in Asia! I know this is pretty crazy. Believe me, the story is even crazier! So... April. I didn't think much beyond, 'I should sign up for that.' I didn't really think I would get accepted. I assumed that they would want me to graduate. But a week later, I got my acceptance email. I was excited. It was something for me to look forward to. Unfortunately, it was also for into the future. A few months shy of a year and that gave me plenty of time to worry and wonder. But I was determined to step outside my bubble. So I put $1000 down toward securing my spot. I had a talk with my friend at work who was all about support and bolstered me up. Despite what everyone was saying about India, it would be a good experience. And I was dedicated to it. But then...
Fall semester came and I was ready for it. I had classes that I was hoping to enjoy and a study abroad to look forward to. Sometime at the end of September, my dad walks up to me and asks, "Christina, can we talk about your study abroad?" I said, "Sho, Daddy. What do you want to talk about?" And he said, "Can we talk about you going someplace else?"
Boom.
He proceeded to explain that he just hadn't been feeling good about it. I was upset mostly. I didn't understand why he couldn't just support me. That night as I was going to bed, I said an upset prayer to Heavenly Father, asking why my dad couldn't just believe in me for once. Boy, does Heavenly Father answer prayers.
The next morning, I woke up with an uneasy feeling. It was the same feeling that had been haunting me on and off for the past several months. This time, I followed it instead of squashing it. It led me to the Kennedy Center. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to walk in and just explain my situation and see what my options were. The first thing I saw when I walked in the door was a flyer for a brand new study abroad to South Korea. And in that moment, it was as though Heavenly Father was whispering in my ear that He has a plan. And I was reminded that fathers can receive inspiration for their families. I will be forever grateful that my daddy followed that prompting that he had. Not that BYU would ever take students someplace unsafe, but that this path is the right one for me.
A secretary listened to my situation and happily explained that it would be a simple process to change programs but that the $1000 was nonrefundable. But I didn't want it refunded, I just wanted it transferred! I took my problem all the way to the top. I started by emailing the student accounts manager and waited. When he didn't get back to me, I went to his office and he told me I had to go see someone else. Eventually, I ended up at the director of all study abroads' office. He knew who I was and began to look some things up on his computer, while I explained my situation to him. At last he said that transferring the $1000 shouldn't be a problem.
So I filled out the application for South Korea. It got quite sticky for a while because I was still enrolled in India, so nothing would happen to my money because I cancelled all of a sudden. But then I started getting emails from the director of India. So I eloquently told him my problem and he proceeded to lecture me on how India is a very time-intensive program and if I wasn't ever dedicated to it, I shouldn't have signed up and I might as well just cancel right away. Ouch. Needless to say (after he called my parents), I knew that I wasn't going to India, even if I didn't make it into the Korea program.
It took a long time for me to find out that I was for sure going. In fact, it was just yesterday. I got an email from the student facilitator asking me to come to an information meeting. Naturally, he told me and a friend the wrong room so we had to wait for 30 minutes... but we got there.
and then it was official. I am going to South Korea in May.

Pause.

It still gives me shivers.

...

Freak out complete.

I'm going to go all ecumenically philosophical now. If you don't want to hear about it, you've read all you really need to. :) (Mindy joke)

I have never had a BIG dream. My dreams have always been pretty rational because I am, for the most part, a sensible being. My biggest dream was coming to BYU to be on the folk dance touring team and that wasn't even fully realized. One thing I've learned, with help from a friend, is that it is okay to dream big. Even if someone tells you that it's never going to happen, dream it anyway! This realization led me to another self-discovery. Deep breath. I am so glad that I'm not married. There, I said it. It's a funny thing to consciously realize. I really am glad. Here's why.
There is so much in this world that I haven't done that I want to do. There was a time in my life when I wanted nothing more than to find a great guy and settle down, but I'm glad that didn't happen. Heavenly Father has a big plan in store for me, so big that he pretty much flipped my world over. Seriously. If I had been able to look at what my life is like today, two years ago, I wouldn't have believed it was true.
I think as human beings, especially in this day and age, we are so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it. Immediate satisfaction. The past year and a half has taught me to trust in His plan. Not just to trust, but to rely wholly on Him. An old roommate taught me that if He closes off one thing, it means that He has something much better in store for you. And I believe that. I know it. Because if He hadn't led me away from folk dance, I never would have found Korean and I wouldn't have this big dream for my future. A plan for my future. Something I have never had before. I honestly never imagined my life past college. And now I have. I know what I want to do. But that's for another post.

We are so silly. Time and time again, we get frustrated with God. We blame Him and think He doesn't care about us, about what we want. He probably just shakes His head and murmurs, "I care more than you know which is why I'm doing this." He knows what is best and we should, by this point in our lives, understand and accept that. Have faith that He is steering you down the right path, to your ultimate destination. Take a moment and look back on your life. Think about some of the things you wanted. Would you be where you are now if Heavenly Father hadn't given you nudges in other directions? Maybe you were lucky and your plan matched up pretty well with His. Lucky you

I am living proof that Heavenly Father cares and will guide us to where we are meant to go. He's had to push me pretty hard sometimes. It hurts. It can be the worst, but ultimately it will be the best.