For years and years, I spent all my spare time freaking out about the little things, especially when it came to school. When I got to college and my perfect 4.0 vanished after the first semester, and after I nearly gave myself a heart attack freaking out about it, I realized something. All I can do is my best and be satisfied with who I am. That is it. The whole 9 yards. Don't be any more or any less. Just be you and the rest will fall into place. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a dancer, a child, a young woman, a grown up, a learner, a teacher, a roommate, a reader, a writer, and so many other things that I can't even list at this moment.
When I was young, dancing at my studio, my teacher told me, "Christina, when you get older, people will try to tell you what you're not; what you can't do. Don't listen to them." At that point, in my innocent 8 year old state, I couldn't imagine anyone telling me that I couldn't do something (unless I already knew I couldn't/shouldn't be doing it anyway). It blew my mind and I quickly forgot it. Until it started happening.
Life is a constant battle of tests. Let me use dance as an example. There are those who are born with the gift of dance and then there are those who are born to dance. I am the latter. It has taken me many many years to come close to understanding what that really means. I can't count the number of times I have shed tears over it. How amazing would it be to be able to do something naturally with very little work? I know several people who have this ability. I am not one of those. Even now, I still struggle every day for a tiny slice of understanding the way a movement is supposed to feel on my body. How do they make it look so easy? One of my teachers told me that I should, perhaps, look for another creative outlet if dance wasn't doing it for me. His real message was clear. He did not think that I was born to dance.
Let me tell you all something right now. No one should tell you what you can and can't do. Who are they to judge your life? Have they been you? Do they know what being you is like? No! Only you know what being you is like so there is not a soul in this world who can say, "No Christina. You aren't a dancer. You aren't smart. You're not pretty." I know that I am all of those things. Of course there are days when I don't remember but I do know. And so should you.
