If you get offended easily... you might not want to read this... sorry. :)
This semester has been hell for me. Perhaps part of that hell was self-inflicted and I accept that now. I alienated myself from my closest friends, including my best friend. I did try for a while, but any reminder of what I had lost and I felt torn to pieces, a million of them. Tiny little pieces. It was its worst when I would hear people complain about how busy and stressed they were because of everything they had to do and how much time folk dance takes up. I wanted to scream at them, "Be grateful! You get to do it and I don't. I would give ANYTHING to be where you are!"
I was angry for a long time. My grades suffered. I had no motivation, no concentration. Nothing mattered to me and I didn't care about anything. I felt lost and alone. Again, part of this was probably my fault, but I digress.
I did everything I thought I could to forgive the people I hated and forget about everything that had mattered to me. It took longer than it should have, perhaps, but not too long ago, I did just that. Now it's CAW time and I once again have the great sense of loss. So.... no. I will not be attending CAW. As much as I want to support everyone, it is better for me that I do not. But I DO want you to know, my friends, that I love you. And I'm sorry for the way I've been. It was unfair to you and I know that. I hope that you, in turn, can forgive me and that maybe (cross our fingers) I can be the supportive groupie that you all deserve.
Here's love and luck to all of you who are performing this weekend. Please please PLEASE enjoy it! You have no idea how blessed you are! Forget how deprived of sleep and injured you are and live in the moment. Share your love and light with everyone. I know you can.
